It's a line. Not to be crossed..

Good Evening Ladies and Gentlemen.

How are you all? Long time no? Something has been cooking in my brain, and it's finally time to share, a certain matter that is close to my heart and upsets me. Greatly.

Restriction. What comes into your mind when you hear this word? You probably think of something that you are not supposed to do. You may think of a time during your childhood, where you weren't allowed to go to a certain place or wear make up. Or some restricted area in a building (Harry Potter Fan here).

Ok. Let me turn it up a notch. What about Cultural restrictions. Cultural.

I have grown up within the Asian Culture, and I never understood why there were certain things that we could not do. Or why people had to put their noses into everyones business. To be frank.

And don't get me wrong, I do love my culture. I just want to put a disclaimer out here. I am in no way or means talking about race. This is what I have felt about the cultural restrictions that were imposed on me. Indirectly. I can explain what I mean..

I can remember being part of a group of girls at a festival, and us judging the way some other girls were dressed. There was this particular girl, who was wearing a short blouse with no sleeves and her belly button pierced with a dangling jewel bar, (she was in Asian wear). She had long highlighted hair and blue contacts in. For a moment, I was amazed at how she pulled the look off. But that thought was shattered in a split second by some asian aunties, tutting under their breaths with disapproval.

And that's where it all started. As soon as I started blooming, I had relatives telling me that I should not wear low rise jeans, I should wear longer tops to cover my behind. (Honestly, I don't know how covering some aspects of your body is modest when you can see the silhouette. Baffles me). I constantly heard that girls shouldn't dress a certain way, which really impacted me to the point that I felt uncomfortable wearing vests in-front of my own family. I was fogged by the opinions of others that it was inappropriate.

It was always the conversations at community gatherings that put these invisible restrictions on. I didn't want to have male friends because I knew what the consequences would be to be seen with them. Automatically I would be judged for being so and so's daughter, who is messing around with boys. I didn't want to be seen out late in the evening, because again, I would be judged for being a girl, and being out late. I would be labelled as the girl who possibly goes out and drinks and does drugs.

I asked a few of my friends, and some have experienced similar.

"You can't wear a top that falls low showing a bit of a cleavage"

"You should find a job, you have a degree - you're wasting time"

"You're a girl, you shouldn't be so stubborn"

"You can only marry a boy from our community"

"Your behaviour will make it difficult for you to work out your marriage"

"You're married now, you should think about what you wear"

"You shouldn't be friends with her, I've heard she does drugs and sleeps with different guys"

"Did you hear, so and so is dating a punjabi boy. The girls poor mother"

I've even heard mothers complain about their sons and that they are not taking this whole marriage business seriously. And they start looking for potential matches for them.

Whilst I was away on holiday, I had a conversation with my aunts. They agreed that times need to change and girls should grow up to be care free and have free will and choice to do as they please. Follow their dreams and grow, but within limits. Limits I asked?

My aunt answered, that of course they need to bear in mind that they belong to a community where people talk and in a mannerism 'watch their moves'. Any action a girl takes has a harsher domino affect on the family. The family get scrutinised by the culture, which in my opinion is only imposed by the communities.

It makes me so mad when I hear conversations about people and how it is not culturally unacceptable because they did xyz... but at the same time I cannot blame them. It is what they grew up with.

Growing up I only ever thought that coloured individuals understood and empathised with what these restrictions were and how they affected me. Alright before you become Judge Judy. What I used to face was ignorance for the cultural restrictions, I was told it was my fault for belonging to an asian community, it was my fault for thinking about the consequences my parents would face because of my choice.. it was my choice.

This made me feel that my fellow caucasian friends didn't go through such restrcitions because of their privileged skin colour. But I was wrong. When you're younger, you are still growing, your thoughts and opinions are developing, and that is dependant on the environment you're in.

Even then, I still thought that my fellow coloured sisters only truly understood the real pain. I always get asked why I don't want to marry out of my "culture", and I find that a lot of the time the true meaning of culture is not understood by some caucasian individuals and it is seen as me limiting my prospects. They fail to understand that culture means having different festivals, different routines, languages and traditions.

I hope you can understand why I felt this way...

If you're on the same wave length as me, then yes you're right. We're too busy pointing fingers and competing against each other, rather than coming together and trying to understand one another. We need to educate each other on cultures and beliefs, for us to make a change.

We don't need to belong to the same culture or have the same skin colour to understand or care. (This relates to a whatsapp conversation with the girls).

We should as a generation change the thoughts and processes, and not judge a persons character based on their colour, appearances or decisions they make. We should change the mindsets in our minorities or majorities. Or try at least.

I'd like to hear about your cultural restrictions, and how it impacts you?

I will leave this here, before I open the full can of worms.

Lots of Love,

Pri xo