"Nobody said it was easy. No one ever said it would be this hard."

For as long as I can remember, this world has made it its mission to reminded me of the ways in which I am not enough.

I recall the very first time I felt sufficiently brave to tell someone that I want to spend my life travelling, experiencing the world and all of its magic, and not stuck in an office job. I remember that day so vividly because it was the very first time someone close to my heart shut down my dreams.

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My grandma and I were walking back home one afternoon through a block of flats when I told her how I envision the life of my dreams. Without meeting my eyes and as a matter of fact she responded:

"That's not how life works. You can't do that. You have to find a good job that will give you and your family a secure lifestyle."

Although she said what she was supposed to say and she did it with undeniable conviction, I will never forget the concern in her eyes as she realised who I would become.

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My grandma is an absolutely amazing woman. A widow in her 40s and with a teenage daughter on her hands, she never remarried, or got in a relationship for that matter. She raised an incredible woman and then helped her raise me. All whilst also working and running a business. So, if anyone knows anything about independence and hardship, it is my grandma.

Yet, she never encouraged me to aspire towards independence. At least, not to the extent achieved by her. Yes, she's always stressed the importance of achieving a successful career and financial stability for yourself, but she's never pushed me to be daring. She is an absolute character - such a strong, stubborn, bold person. That is why it always came as a shock whenever she told me to be less independent, less rebellious, less extraordinary when really... that is all she ever was.

It took me twenty six years (more or less) to understand why: she wanted me to live an easy life.

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I can't even begin to imagine the internal struggles and the exterior pushback my grandma experienced for being the way she is and for choosing to live her life the way she has. Whenever we go back home, the three of us have these long, beautiful conversations at our tiny ass, uncomfortable kitchen table. She always speaks of the way she met my grandfather on a train, she tells of his war stories and how her and her brothers used to roam the mountains as children.

It was during one of these tales that she said:

"Everyone told me to remarry. Everyone told me that I am being a fool for choosing to live the rest of my life alone. I just loved him so much that I couldn't do it... but, oh, I was so stupid. If I had known... how hard living life like this was going to be... oh, I was so stupid."

Now, she said all of that in Romanian so it sounded a little different and you're just going to have to trust my language skills. Point is... It stuck with me.

What did she mean? What was so hard? What was she trying to say by "living life like this"? Living life like what?! As far I remembered, she lived her life the only way she saw fit: her way or no way, i.e. taking no bs from anyone. I mean... What could be so bad about that?!

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Every morning, before I even leave the house, there are at least three instances in my routine when I doubt myself. I doubt my ability to conquer the day as I get out of bed. I criticise the state of my skin as I brush my teeth and question whether I am beautiful. I scrutinise every inch of my body as I catch my reflection in the mirror, getting dressed, wondering if I'll ever feel "hot".

All of this happens in my subconscious; all before I've even left the house and have had to deal with the rest of the damn world reinforcing what my subconscious thinks.

At every point in my morning routine, I hit back at that tiny voice in my head telling me that I am not good enough with very deliberate positive messages. I constantly remind myself that I am beautiful. I look in the mirror and out loud I say to myself: "You are strong. You are strong. This is just another day. You've conquered way worse. WAY worse. So, get up! Stand up. Smile."

And, I do. I do smile. And I am happy. It takes a lot, though.

Staying confident, strong and trusting your powers as a woman takes continuous, relentless effort. It takes real strength! Why? Because - although probably not to the same extent - just like it did for my grandma and my mother, the world continues to deal a shitty hand to an independent woman.

Whilst a majority of men go on and on and on about how they want an independent woman, it is also a majority of men that reject an independent woman when they meet her. It might have something to do with her having a mind of her own or with her knowing very well who she is or maybe it's because she needs no one. But, hey - what do I know?

P.S. When i say "needs no one", I mean: needs no one. If you are having difficulty accepting that as a fact, we should have a chat.

On the other hand, women - and sometimes this is very subtle - envy an independent woman like no other! Do you have any idea how many times I've heard a woman call another woman a b**** just because she stuck her ground or loudly expressed her view and wasn't ashamed when it wasn't the popular opinion?!

Countless times - that's how many times.

My point is this: it's hard. It's hard to be strong, independent, confident and happy with yourself by yourself, just the way you are. It takes a lifetime for some women to truly achieve that. It takes a considerable amount of effort on a daily basis for most of us to feel that way and unfortunately, it hardly ever comes naturally.

It's not always easy to go against a lifelong teaching that as a woman you should accept things as they are or as they are supposed to be.

It's not always easy to be brave enough to speak up and disagree with a room full of men who will immediately glance your way with disbelief and shock in their eyes.

It's not always easy to embrace the fact that you do not need anyone, that you are enough, that you do not need the love of a man to be complete.

It's. Just. Not. Always. Easy.

Now, imagine that despite all that, women achieve it all the time. We achieve true happiness within our independent selves on a daily damn basis.

What does the world around us do then? Crushes us. It punishes us for being happy on our own by condoning opinions that we aren't enough as individuals; that we do need to be validated by the love of a man or otherwise, I mean, do we even exist; that our options are limited - and not in a "the sky is the limit" kind of way. It is so rare that I see us truly being celebrated, without any hidden meaning or motive, for being who we are: independent beings.

So... I get where my grandma comes from. She doesn't want me to have a hard life. She wants me to have an easy life and by association, a happy life.

What she doesn't know is that I won't be happy with an "easy" life. I won't be happy if I settle for a life less than extraordinary, rebellious and booming with my independence! A life without that would be a terrible, sad and truly... hard life.

My grandma sees independence as hardship. I see it as greatness. It's not easy fighting off a whole world that is desperately trying to fit me in a box... but it sure as hell is a LOT easier than not being myself.

I think we would all have a lot more to gain if as a society we just accepted that independent women are going to be independent women. No matter what people say, no matter what people think and no matter what people do.

So whether you accept us or not... we're still going to be who we are - unapologetically so. If I were you, instead of wasting my time trying to stop us... I'd get one of us in my corner: as a friend, as a wife, as a lifetime partner, as a daughter, whatever! Trust me, you're missing out on all the fun.

Love

Ilinca xo