Make your own rules.

Do you want to know what my favourite part of the day is? That expected moment when someone decides they get to have a say in what I do with my life. Yes, I am being sarcastic.

At some point during my day, it is guaranteed that someone will decide to share their wisdom with me - again, sarcasm. Now, don’t get me wrong, I actually value advice and people’s opinions. We have all taken different paths to get to where we are, so I would be an idiot to reject the opinions of someone who has had a different experience to mine. The least I can do is learn Something from their story, even if I disagree with them.

But, here is the problem I have with our current set up in society. Warning: I’m about to be blunt. #realtalk

I don’t care who you are, you don’t get to TELL me how to live my life.

Please, don’t stop reading, just give me a shot - hear me out. Well, read me out. Whatever, you get the point.

At least once a day, I (and I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one) get told one of the following: what I should or should not do with my time, what I should or should not say, how I should or should not speak, how I should or should not behave, what I should or should not wear. At least once a day!

My personal favourite is when the “advice” starts with “As a young woman, you should…”. I mean what is TRULY inspiring and what TRULY makes my day is hearing these words from a man. But, that’s besides the point. I am talking about Everyone who thinks they can TELL you what to do, how to do it, when to do it and who you should do it with.

Usually, my response consists of me nodding politely, raising my right eyebrow and smiling. In my head, I’m going off on one but instead I often jokingly say: Oh yeah, cos you get to live my life for me!

Again, there is a difference between advice and Telling me how to live my life.

Despite being brought up by two strong, independent women, I was not encouraged to embrace being different. I was not encouraged to be bold. My mother and grandmother were not (and are not) okay with me going against the norm and most importantly, disobeying what they say. But I still do it. It took me a VERY LONG time to get to this point and I have days when I give in to them, because I love them. That’s normal.

Nevertheless, I try to always remind myself that it is MY life. MY life. I get to choose how I live it.

Does it lead to arguments? Yes. Do I break their hearts? Most likely. Do I regret it? No.

I know it sounds harsh, but this is why I do it.

Those who love you will eventually come around and accept you for who you are. They will accept your decisions even if they vehemently disagree with them, because they love YOU. Also, because they will see how happy you are.

So, I am begging you: whether you are a woman or a man - be brave. Be bold. Be you.

Live YOUR life!

Others… People… They will always have something to say. Even if you abide by every rule in their book, you will never be good enough. Who you are will never be quite right.

Yet, they’ll never ask you how you are. They will never just be there when you need someone. So, why…? Why are you bending over backwards to satisfy them?

At the end of the day, you can count on only one person. You. That is IT. No one else. You can guarantee that you will always have You. No one else. Even if none of your loved ones are there, you will still have… You.

And that is why I put Me first. It may sound selfish, I choose to think of it as self love, but call it what you may... Ultimately, my life, my say.

Ilinca xo